We Lost a Child Because of an Imperfect Umbilical CordLife has its ups and downs, but there is nothing happier than a mother being pregnant. My life’s partner Lindsay glowed. It was her wish for a long time to become a mother and starting a family. It did not take long for her to get pregnant, and then our journey to parenthood started.
You buy all the clothes, carry on, the crib, rebuild the house for the baby room. Everybody in your environment makes compliments, and it is a pleasant period. My girlfriend at that time had a great pregnancy. She rarely had any mood swings and felt goof for the first seven months.
The baby does not kick that much anymore during the last week of pregnacy.
She sometimes complains l her hand’s food would swell after seven months of pregnancy. Our new appointment was four days away with a doctor in the Bangkok Pattaya Hospital. Lindsay did complain about the baby kicking a lot less, but sometimes this was the case, so nothing worries about, you think.
It was a beautiful day for our check-up, and when the doctor made the ultrasound, we got the message the baby was dead for over one week.
If there was ever a moment in my life that I did not know how to handle a situation or respond, it was at that moment. Lindsay was in tears, and I just sat there starring at a monitor with the image of a child in the womb not moving, whispering the words no, no, no.
Your child is dead.
The moment seemed to have lasted forever. I hugged Lindsay, held her tight, and she decided to take the doctor’s advice to have a natural birth as this was much better for the next pregnancy.
The next two days are hard to describe. There was a small couch next to the hospital bed where Lindsay was lying. I was trying to get some sleep after this regular check-up changed into a horror scenario.
They say that the pain of giving birth can be equivalent to breaking 54 bones in your body. On top of that, Lindsay has the burden to know it was all for nothing as our baby is deceased. I tried to support her as well as I could. But taking away physical and emotional pain in a situation like this with you also being the father was a very difficult task.
Giving birth the natural way was far from easy. But I am very proud of Lindsay that despite all the physical and emotional pain, she delivered the child naturally.
What to do next? Surely the hospital (I live as a foreigner in Thailand with Lindsay) wants us the sign a package deal for the delivery hospital cost before we stayed in the hospital, which we did. The package deal would cost 48.000 baths. For us, this is ok, and I signed for this. We also agreed that we agree to do some blood tests (for Lindsay and the baby).
Because the baby died, we would do an autopsy on the baby to determine the cause of death. After when she was born, so you know for the subsequent pregnancy what not to do. In case it was something the mother did or ate which could have caused the tragic death.
When the baby was born, the doctor first said how tight the umbilical cord was around the poor baby girls’ neck. It was immediately clear what the cause of her sudden death was.
So, there was no need to do any tests on the baby. The package deal of 48.000 baths was for a few nights in the hospital and natural delivery. That’s what happened.
But not according to the people who made the bill as the bill was 98.000 bath then reduced to 86.000 baths. Indeed, I asked why the bill was double the price? Now do not get me wrong. I am bitching now about a hospital bill just when I lost my child. Like me paying a bill is more important or something. It is just one aspect of the hospital process which I need to tell.
Well, according to the hospital, they had to research the placenta and do like 20 blood tests? That’s why the price was double. I asked them if I was a Thai man with no history at the hospital if they also would have presented a double bill? They would have wanted the money upfront in that case, for sure.
I told them: if I would hire you to do my garden for 100 euro and we agree, and later you present a bill of 200 euro, would you complain? Then the explanation that you also had to buy a shovel and some compost and bought new threes would not be part of the deal.
Dealing with bureaucracy just after you lose your child.
Surely the insurance came with the “best” story to not pay. Yes, it was agreed that pregnancy would not fall under the insurance coverage as you choose for this yourself. I can understand. But I did ask if our premium insurance for both of us would cover complications during pregnancy. You could call this a “complication.” But when I had the insurance people on the phone, their excuse to not pay was that I was a foreigner (“falang” means foreigner in Thai), not originally from Thailand. Therefore they would not pay? S
I got pretty mad and asked them if they would immediately refund the last seven years I paid them for policies. I paid the highest insurance payment per year to them (for premium insurance). Why take my money to make an excuse like that, unheard of!
Don’t forget this. I am a pretty tough guy. But I just saw my dead child being delivered and after three days witnessed my girlfriend in agony and devastation giving birth to a dead child.
Remove all the baby clothes I bought.
I finally paid 56.000 baths, so somebody in the hospital knew they were wrong. The audacity to try this scam when we had so much trauma, but they tried. I finally left the hospital with Lindsay. My good friend Danny removed all the bought baby clothes.
The baby crib, baby seat, everything which stood in my living room. This would just stare us in the face. I wanted to try to avoid any more unnecessary stress after this horrible experience.
“God’s” messengers came around while we never asked for it.
When we came home, I started to study the internet about the umbilical cord. I knew at least a few people in my family and our social circle who had bad experiences with the umbilical cord. My Mother’s friend lost a child like this, my trainers’ sister’s wife lost a child like this after being eight months pregnant.
The doctor in the hospital told us that there was a woman who had a similar experience to us but then gave a perfect birth during her second pregnancy. But in another case, a woman experienced 3 x in a row her baby died from complications involving the umbilical cord.
There is plenty of cases where the child is born early because of problems with the umbilical cord, sometimes resulting in children who have all sorts of problems.
Why is the umbilical cord causing so many problems, death, and grief?
I read a few articles on the net and read about opinions on the umbilical cord, and surely there are the imbecile church and some spiritual people and others so-called experts not blaming the umbilical cord (see link)
As it is a perfect creation. In the article, some retard perfect creation lover tries to make arguments why the umbilical cord is so great. Then argues that it’s never the fault of the umbilical cord. Babies get their life support through the umbilical cord. Therefore, an umbilical cord around their neck will do them no harm or choke them.
As if a baby with an umbilical cord tight around their neck would not get in distress? For example, it would cut the blood flow to their heads or stop their heartbeat. Many of the umbilical cord “fans,” especially from the religious kind, say it is not good and necessary to make people who are pregnant scared about the “perfect” created umbilical cord.
When I read another article about the truth of the accidents with the umbilical cord, it made much more sense to me.
For example, the doctor told us after six months, we should write down the amounts of baby kicks. Mother Lindsay can feel the baby kicking, and you can even see the belly move) while she was moving in the womb. Our baby was really active, but sometimes less.
Lindsay did complain the baby was kicking a lot less a few days before our next check-up. She slept better at night because of less movement of the baby. But we did not really think much of this. The doctor should have made it more clear how important the baby kicks are. If the baby does not kick as much as she normally does, rush to the hospital immediately.
The umbilical cord causing problems and death.
The doctors should say all the experiences they have with complications, for example, the umbilical cord. We have the experience that the umbilical cord can cause early death or all kinds of problems. If we heard that before, we would have hurried to the hospital at light speed. Some retard columnist writing about scaring people does not help but actually gives a false statement.
Are you defending the umbilical cord?
So why are so many religious people and some other spiritual defending the umbilical cord? Well, we arrived again at the house of God, the “perfect” creator. I got a question for you, God. Why the fuck did you make the umbilical cord so long. Now many babies and parents unnecessarily suffer from your miscalculation of the length (to long) of the umbilical cord. Were they causing dead misery and grief?
In the hospital, God and spiritual people always seem to knock on your door when there is death and misery. First of all, when Lindsay was in pain, she screamed quite a few times, “OH God and God.” In contrast, she is not religious. I guess the word is used so much that it is embedded in her subconscious, with more than half of the world population.
Then when the baby was born, the doctor said they had Buddhist monks who could go to the temple. They would pray for our dead child, and there was a chapel of the church and a prayer room for Muslims. We decided to cremate the child and had the hospital take care of this.
Why a funeral? Why invite families from all over the world to prolong this drama? Would that help the deceased baby or us? I remember that another family member lost her life in the fight against cancer. The husband decided to take care of his sick wife at home. He and the family decide not to let her spend her last time on earth she has left in the hospital.
Why a funeral?
Lovely church-going people, for months, the sick mother turned more yellow and yellow, and finally, there were only blood, feces, vomit, and tears. The husband is cleaning up this mess every day, finally resulting in an agonizing death in front of the father and the children she passed away on the couch at home. I carried the coffin at the funeral. Of course, there was the church ceremony. Men do I dislike that place and everything the church stands for!
It’s so cold and spooky, and people worship a guy nailed to a cross. Worship to a bloody guy nailed to a cross. While all this misery is going on and people speak words about the deceased. The church sends people around with a little basket to donate money to the church (same when my grandfather died).
Screw traditional, ceremonies and endless grief.
Those money collections are done in a full church of mourning people. This church collection is on top of the payments you have to make for the church ceremony. Speeches of the pastor speaking about life and above all God.
Family members can mourn at a grave for years and never leave behind their loved ones. Surely it is not a coincidence that most graves can be found near churches. So you can step into the house of fantasy when you are an emotional wreck. Donate some more money and speak to the imaginary friend in the sky.
God is not home, please leave your message after the beep, plus you wish, above all, leave your money at a local church near you.
The Creator was not there when all these babies and the parents suffered because of the umbilical cord. God, who was not there when a family member battled cancer.
But when a baby is born, it’s a miracle from God when there is a problem “Gods” way are mysterious,” and he is not home, please leave your message after the beep, and you wish and above all leave your money at a local church near you.
Then to all the pro-life church demonstrators against abortion. Where are they when all these mothers/parents really want a baby? “God” decides to strangle them and give those little babies a heart attack or some brain damage?
Where are “God’s” protesters when the baby is born with down syndrome or is paralyzed? I did argue about this before. One of the main arguments from the pro-life god community is that a few months old babies cannot decide for themselves to be alive. Suppose the parents would determine for abortion.
Looking for the pro-life community for some help?
These baby deaths are not some incidents. Suppose I look around me at my family and friends alone. There are at least 20 cases concerning problems with the umbilical cord. This results in death and misery. All these people wanted to have a healthy child. But when a child is born and suffers from this umbilical cord harassment. And it needs to go to special schools because it needs twice more attention than a child who is born healthy.
Gods pro-life community protesters are nowhere to be found? Except maybe for planning the next attack. Like a bombing attack on an abortion clinic.
God does not send extra checks for the “problem” child. The child needs twice the attention. It is also much more expensive for the parents. I do not even talk about the mental damage to the parents and loved ones.
But you can pray in God’s house of mysteries for a miracle. If one miracle does happen (one in a million), it’s the work of God. For the other 999.999 miracle prayers: God’s ways are mysterious.
God loves Crocodiles and Jellyfish.
If there would ever be a creator, his “perfect” creation would be a jellyfish and a crocodile.
The crocodile/alligator lays eggs have no natural enemies (except humans). They don’t die of old age, do not get infections, and have a flawless immune system. These reptiles have been here on earth longer than 100 million years. The only way they could get extinct now (if not by nature.
It is because humans like to run around on crocodile shoes. Some of us like to have crocodile leather jackets and stuffed dead baby crocodiles on top of their fireplace at home.
Humor for Healing.
Comfort for me during a difficult time is humor! We are moving on, leaving this horrible experience in the past where it belongs—focusing on our desired outcome.
I recently saw the documentary of Monty Python flying circus on TV.
John Cleese was talking about the main character Graham Chapman who was an alcoholic. Cleese explains why he is such a talented actor. It is possibly because 80% of his performances are while intoxicated.
And he died at the age of 48 from Cancer.
Graham’s last prank came few days before he died. He called a Newspaper and told them he would give them an exclusive interview on beating Cancer. Graham agreed on a fee for his story with the newspaper.
When his check arrived in the mail for the interview, he put it in his bank account. The day when the discussion was scheduled, he died of Cancer and fooled the newspaper.
The whole Monty Phyton movie circus crew created their ceremony for his funeral. There was only laughing and fun, mainly when John Cleese spoke: Cleese delivered his eulogy to Chapman, which began as follows:
Graham Chapman, a co-author of the “Parrot Sketch,” is no more. He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He has kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky.
Cleese continues: I guess that we are all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent and capability for kindness, such unusual intelligence, should now so suddenly be spirited away at the age of only forty-eight.
Before he achieved many of the things he was capable of, he had enough fun.
Well, I feel that I should say: nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, says John Cleese. I hope he fries. And the reason I feel I should say this; is he would never forgive me if I did not.
If I threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him, but mindless good taste.
Cleese continued after a break from the laughter in the audience and claimed that Chapman had whispered in his ear the night before while he was writing the speech, saying:
You are freeloading basterd.
All right, Cleese, you say you are very proud of being the first person to ever say “shit” on British television. If this service is really for me, just for starters, I want you to be the first person ever at a British memorial service to say “fuck’!
Again, all people present at the ceremony had tears in their eyes from laughing so hard. The best remedy to overcome any sad period in your life is to start laughing again as soon as possible.
Monthly Phyton life of Bryan was an early statement of pioneer film-making about how retarded religion is and very brave from the producers and creators for that time (the seventies). The main character being Chapman, who was also one of the first British celebrities to openly say he was gay.
Pioneer Film Making.
At the end of the movie, the whole favoriting crucified and singing, always look on the bright side of life. The Life of Brian film is an all-time favorite of mine. The debate of John Cleese with two religious” persons in the aftermath of the movie becoming a huge hit on YouTube and the BBC is another highlight.
Look at the hands of the bishop in this YouTube video. He must be gay himself and has for sure tons of shit to hide. His finger-pointing is revolting)
Surely laughing and being happy after such a tragic event of losing a child is not an easy task. But it’s much better to try it that way than mourning for months, sometimes years. No visits to a “dead” cult called the church to remind you of the tragedy!
Humor to deal with stress.
Laughter and happiness do not create a stress hormone called cortisol. Quite the opposite, we should move on in life and not make ourselves physically and mentally sick because of reliving the past.
Something religion is built on a myth of a guy resurrected from the dead who was tortured by his Godfather for the sin of mankind. Who comes up with this kind of nonsense.
There have been bad things happening in the world for ages that haven’t changed. But more and more people are waking up to the fact that we create our own reality.
Quote: John Cleese: take the critical view, find out for yourself!
I wish everybody who has experienced this type of tragedy a lot of strength. I just saw The Life of Brian again and the Holy Grail. It made me laugh and sleep peacefully!
Here is a quote from Mike Dooley/ The Universe. Lindsay receives her daily universe quotes by email.
You are not meant to bear that which you find unpleasant, Lindsay. You are meant to change it. That’s why you feel it. Your every twitch of pain and malaise invites you to wake up. It is pushing you to seek grander truths. That will reveal a bigger reality and a more magnificent you. Ever closer to an awareness of your true place within reality creation – as a Creator.
Umbilical coed, who gave it that name? Must be an Atheist as it sounds Un Bible ( Not Biblical).
Boom, The Universe
Quote Bas Boon: God is not home, please leave your message after the beep, plus you wish, above all, to leave your money at a local church near you.
(C) Bas Boon www.basboon.com