A Toilet Crisis for Humanity Unanswered Butt Questions? Too many severe posts of mine, and with all the bad news, we need some laughs.
Humanity is looking for answers, the big bang, where we came from, and who made us. All thoughts and questions about trying to understand the meaning of life: when we look closer to earth, a billion-old riddle occupies the minds of many humans: the unanswered butt-wipe and toilet mystery.
Did you know that, for example, over 12000 people get stuck in toilets within three years in Uk alone? Before I get into weird toilet statistics of people dying on toilets, I want to start with what led me to write this blog. Toilet paper gets stuck in my hairy ass cheeks.
I go to the toilet a “healthy two times a day, and I lived in the US, America, and now Asia. When I lived in the Netherlands, the typical way of toilet habit was to use toilet paper. Things get weird for me and have been bothering my brain for decades.
Top Ten people who died on a toilet
Most toilet paper is of a shitty quality when you use toilet paper. In the worst-case scenario, you’re using the toilet paper by folding it up a few times before using it. Still, the result would be after the first wipe that your butt hole is not clean. So, it needs several wipes, which is weird because it’s like peanut butter smearing out on a sandwich.
Ass wipe disaster.
They say the Asians do better by using water spray and water. More on that later. Now, after a few wipes, things get weird. Sometimes, your fingers prick right through the toilet paper while wiping your behind. Now you have to get up to wash your hands while you clamp together your dirty ass cheeks in the fear shit might fall on the ground.
Once you sit down again, you start the ritual again. This time you use more toilet paper. Most paper is of poor quality, so the next disaster is that tiny pieces of paper get trapped in your butt hair section because you keep wiping the same area.
The stuck toilet paper turns into little tiny paper balls. The little small paper balls of white toilet paper change into the color brown in no time. Now you finally think you cleaned your butt, and you are finished.
Unanswered questions; Weird History of Toilet Deaths
Multiple humans have told each other that it’s the weirdest thing. You go to the toilet after a three-hour drive for a pee. Curious about their ass cheeks, they give it a security wipe. Shit everywhere (must be a leaking anus?), so again multiple wipes and a lot of toilet paper. In my case, I started using the big kitchen roll paper, as my fingers kept poking holes through the toilet paper. It’s mindboggling. I did not have to go to the toilet for hours. I did not crap my pants. How can my butt still be dirty ours later? Is it secretly leaking why I drive or walk? It has been bothering me for years, with so many unanswered questions.
Now we should realize that half of this world’s humans are obese. Just imagine Kim Kardashian’s plumb butt cult members using toilets in, for example, a plane? Those toilet seats have never really grown for the sizeable obese butt cult, which is narrowing half of humanity. The ass cheeks are pretty much closed together while they do their “message” in the toilet on the plane. Some of these vast asses swallow whole rolls of toilet paper at once.
Huge Butts, small toilets.
Other obese cult members have ass-eating hemorrhoids, and rolls of toilet paper get stuck there. That is why there is often no toilet paper or tissues left in toilet plane bathrooms. Or you find weird brown smelly balls on the ground when you enter a toilet on a plane.
The Woman who was stuck to the toilet seat for two years.
Monkey Pox possibly explained.
The world health organization has issued a warning about the new monkeypox virus. The virus spreads predominantly among gay men. It is a theory, but many doctors have reported that gay men with beards have penetrating odors. The doctors witness that many bearded gay men have weird brown smelly balls of paper in their beards. This phenomenon is what happens when you toss the salad. The mysterious constantly leaking anuses with tiny, smelly balls of toilet paper jump ship, so to say.
The solution by the liberal pronounces Gestapo squad experts is to change the name of monkeypox. Problem solved. Now it’s no longer discriminating; the balls, regardless of smell or color, can freely move without being bigots and racist. The disadvantage is that the paper balls with crap also cause herpes outbreaks near the groin area. Multiple people in the Gay community now suffer simultaneously from a painful combination of monkeypox and herpes, and the result is they start walking like a duck.
The problem is not limited to the LGBTQ community, although the WHO reported that 95% of people suffering from monkeypox are gay. Just imagine you just showered before you have sex with your partner. You even wiped your ass after you took a shower. You still use some kitchen paper roll paper for extra ass wipes to ensure all is clean. When you finish your shower, the phone rings, and you have a long conversation.
You are still horney and want to make your partner get in the mood. So, you put on some music as you feel guilty about the long phone call, and you pour her some wine. Now you completely forget about your possible leaking anus. Two hours have passed since you showered your butt.
Toilets and sex makes humans trend on social media
I expect an explosion of online digital HD toilet sex starting right now.
Your partner goes down on you, and you feel some hesitation, but the partner does not want to spoil the long-awaited fun. Suddenly there is this weird recognizable stench. You want to blame a fart. When the partner (can’t name it a “he or she,” this could offend people) looks up, the person has a brown nose and all kinds of small tiny brown balls on the face. But it is too much, and the partner starts puking all over the genitals. You get up immediately and realize you leave a large shit stain on the blanket and puke everywhere.
I misunderstood environmental activists and porn actors.
Un unanswered question gets answered. I realized now that some porn videos with man shit fetishes are instruction videos. They dump their “messages” in each other’s throats to save toilet paper and water and solve part of the food problem. It trains their smelling organs to ignore foul odors to protect the environment.
The dog gives the perfect example—no toilet paper or water sprays to clean his butt. Seconds after a dog shits, another dog comes and puts his nose in the other dog behind. All this while research and experts say a dog can smell a thousand times better than a human. They must know more than humans. Something is hiding in that ass. The peristaltic movement of the intestine outwards could be one of the things irresistible for dogs?
The natural birth of a baby, shit, blood, and feces.
Humans’ natural face and behavior and what they think and say out loud is when the baby is born. They install the baby throwing mothers with their legs wide spread in a birthing chair. Now the partner is witnessing this miracle by looking at a colossal gaping open vagina and butthole. The process can take up to 24 hours. While pressing like crazy, the mother feels pain like she is breaking 250 bones in her body. Shit is spraying out of her ass, and hemorrhoids are exploding. A mixture of blood, crap, and placenta is drooling out from between her legs, and the smell is unbearable.
No issue for revolting as the partner stands there. He says it’s beautiful, a miracle; push a little bit more, and you’re almost there. You are doing great. This day is the happiest moment of my life. All this, and the baby is still not delivered?
Papa, can you please move aside says one of the doctors. The head of the baby is too big to go through the vagina. He walks towards the vagina with the biggest scissor in existence (their baby needs help)—an extraordinary vagina moment to never forget.
Maybe because a baby is born naturally, there is this affiliation with shit and the smell of it. It’s embedded in our subconscious and somehow always on our minds? Is this an answer to the unanswered question?
The Asian found the solution they use water and water sprays.
The “Rolls Royce” of Toilets
During my visits to Japan, I encountered the “Rolls Royce” of toilets. When I visit Japan, I stay in the Hilton and the Hyatt in Shinjuku and other fancy hotels. Once, a Thai fighter confronted me at breakfast, just when he came from the toilet. The right side of his pants was wet and had shit on it. The horrible smell was immediately upon everybody at breakfast. As I lived in Thailand for a while, I asked one of the translators with the Thai team, who spoke a mixture of Thai and English, what happened?
He told me the following story. The Thai fighter went to the toilet and climbed onto the seat once in the bathroom. Standing with his feet on the toilet, he was scared to sit down and sit on the toilet seat, which could be dirty. This scene was hilarious, as what followed made me tell this story for years.
Thai fighter Toilet Battle.
The Thai fighter squats down by standing on his two feet on the toilet seat. Now he does not see a bowl of water, so he tries to use toilet paper for the first time in his life. It’s difficult in his position to reach the toilet paper. He looks for the water spray or a hidden reservoir with a bucket and a cup to clean his ass (more later about these customs). Some sheer panic as he looks around. He finds himself in a strange position and tries to grab the toilet paper again while standing on the toilet seat in a squad position. The Thai fighter has started swearing at the hyper-modern Japanese toilet. The right foot of the Thai fighter pushes a button by accident.
This accident causes the bidet (ass shower) to spray water upwards. The result is that the toilet seat gets wet, and he slipped with one of his legs from the toilet seat into the toilet crap hole. He does not read or understand Japanese. How can he know where the flush button is while reaching for the toilet paper?
One foot in the shitter.
Now he is almost stuck in his pile of crap. He did not know what to do after he freed his poor foot. He tried with crane water to clean the pants. He did a lousy job. Another witnessed the Thai trying to put his leg under the crane where you wash your hands outside the toilet. People laugh at him as they think he wants to wash his feet that way.
The incident was not exceptional and eventually led to signs “forbidden to stand on the toilet seats.”
I understand this new sign now. Many drunken Asian people who eat weird spicy food sometimes get diarrhea. The result is that the back wall of public toilets with toilet seats is full of diarrhea. The squad position on the toilets makes the anus rocket spray the half disgested spicy food with force against the toilet walls.
In the following years, I also observed many smelly arms after people returned from toilet visits. Many mobile phones fall in toilets while people take a dump. People drop their mobile phones while texting and sit on the toilet. Mobile phones make people with perfect hygiene stick their arms in the shitter.
When I moved to Isan, Thailand, my experience with Thai toilet habits took a massive turn.
I thought I found the solution in Thailand as most hotels and luxury houses have a toilet water spray. As always, for some reason, my excitement quickly turns into disappointment. I got excited about my new home. This excitement is because I installed an expensive decent toilet with water spray. A tremendous powerful water spray for my new home. No more shit stains and brown balls for my butt, ooh, was I wrong.
My first water spray encounter.
My first experience was horrible. When I tried to spray my butt area, the water pressure was so high that it spread by full force parts of my “message” alongside my balls, reaching the underside of my chin. I did not realize it then, but I dried my ass with a towel and my face. Somehow even an hour later, I still smelled like shit. After comprehensive research, I found parts of feces stuck behind my ears.
Okay, I understand now I can’t have too much power for these water sprays. So, I turned the water supply to half of the force. Reducing the water pressure worked. I was skeptical. So I just checked my butt after using the lowered water pressure spray for peace of mind. I use some toilet paper to check for stubborn pieces of feces that might hide between my butt cheeks. Damn, they were there. Why is humanity confronted which such weird unsolvable problems?
Now things got worse, even the paper kitchen roles that got wet were not strong enough, and again my fingers poked right through it. In some cases, I use half a kitchen paper roll, and miraculously, there would still be a brown stripe souvenir at each wipe. Fed up by buying kitchen paper rolls by the dozen, I started to use a towel. I left the toilet when convinced of the lack of ass souvenirs and having a dry behind.
No answer to the unanswered questions; instead, the little paper ass balls mystery grows.
My girlfriend used the shower and entered my room while I finished this blog. She has lingerie and looks stunning. She jumps on my bed and starts kissing me. Do I smell something wrong? I have to stop her in this aroused moment, and I look into the closet mirror. We both have small brown paper balls on our faces and smell like shit.
The towel I used in the bathroom was the last clean one. The towel was not wet all over the place as I only used it for my bum. She used it when she finished washing her face. Did my brown paper shit balls stick on the towel, parking themselves on her face? Or does she have a similar butt problem? I did not ask; this shit keeps coming back!
Toilet Paper Stuck in my Butt
Irritant people, gay people, and smelly people
(C) Bas Boon www.basboon.com